Last night I realized that I'm probably going to be updating this site extremely frequently as a result of having absolutely no life and spending most of my day connected to my computer by an invisible USB cable.
Once upon a time, not so long ago, I was a semi-celebrity. I never had a shortage of people to hang out with, things to do, places to go, or yummy liquors to drink. How does one fall so far so fast, I often ask myself. The short and sweet answer is that I suck at what is known as 'moderation'. I drank too much, smoked too much, ate too much, and used to have a pretty decent amount of debaucherous gay sex, although those days are long gone.
What does my life consist of now?
Well, depending on whether or not I find a really captivating Wikipedia page, or get ensconced in GTA Vice City, I may or may not get to sleep by six in the a.m. When I open my bright shining eyes to greet the early evening I start off by smoking a pack of Marlboro Smooths before I debate whether it's worth the effort to shower or not, seeing as how I will most likely not be leaving the house before calling it a night (or a morning) again. Then I might watch an episode or two of Dynasty before gorging myself on a pastry of some sort and reading the latest book I've bought with my diminishing final wages from the redneck foodstore I previously was employed at. Recently, however, and this is a pretty exciting twist, I've discovered Mahjong, which I play constantly whilst listening to old school Britney Spears or Sandra Bernhard.
Right now, for example, I've been awake for a total of two hours. I've already inhaled half a pack of menthols, consumed three Diet Cokes and am listening to Madonna's newest album while lounging in my Fashion Bug sweatpants (insanely comfortable) that I got at Goodwill, with episodes of Absolutely Fabulous playing in the background. What can I say? I like to multitask.
It only gets better from here! Just wait until I make a half-assed attempt at exercise and give up right before I actually manage to break a sweat!